Desire

I was able to run the week after the twenty mile training run, feeling tremendous strength in my legs but also realizing the pounding that they are taking. Sometimes my legs feel as if I have concrete blocks attached to them, and other times I am would swear I was flying. I ran there straigt days of 6 miles at marathon pace then took 2 days off. I then went away for the weekend, to ski in Tahoe. At the end of the ski day, I realized what a tremendous benefit of cross-training I had. It was a constant workout of the legs minus the wear and tear. I could also feel it in my stomach muscles and realized just how much work is required in that area of muscle used in downhill skiing. It was just what I needed, a break from the miles of pounding that the training requires and is eventually felt on my feet and in my bones. I ran a fast three miler yesterday (about 6:30 per mile with a few one minute stops between them) but felt like a bowl of spaghetti flailing around the Lake. I had to get it out of my system as I had not run in 3 days. It was the same thing with my guitar, I had not played it for days and needed to play my treasured Epiphone Acoustic to release the songs that had been running around in my head. Today I was going to run, but after running several blocks I realized I had absolutely no energy at all, and feeling completely fatigued, turned around and walked back inside. I will try tomorrow and see what surfaces, as it will not make any difference in my performance. I am ready and look forward to the day I run it.
Today, I was remembering how I was expected to win every race by my coach all through high school (cross country and track), and what came with that was the tremendous pressure that I was not equipped to handle at the age of 16. At that time, running was the one place that I was able to give 100% (desire) and not hold back, but the expectations of others was tremendous and stole the purity of it away from me. It was also the one place where I felt compelled to compete (probably having 5 brothers and a sister had something to do with that). That passion, is such a part of who I am and I try to spread it around in all the other areas of my life, but as a friend more recently told me "You can't have 10's in all areas of your life at one time, it's all about balance". Good advice. This will be the year of transformation as I reinvent myself like so many other people have had to do and are doing right now.
As for running, The clock has always been my main competitor and that still holds true today. Upon completing the Marathon (42 kilometers and change), I will use this accomplishment as the springboard into my universe of possibilities. I have gained plenty in return for my way of commitment and dedication. There is a rite of passage in running, training, and finishing a marathon, and the friendships forged in that quest are intensified by it. I look forward to getting on the other side of the finish line and rejoicing there with my fellow runners who have traveled the same path as I have on this journey whether it be in front, alongside or behind me.